Hot Pockets releasing cargo shorts with heated pocket. What a time to be alive!

Lord forgive me but I’m about to go back to the old me.

Little backstory on me and cargo shorts: Cargo shorts were HOT in the 90’s. Every kid had them. They looked great, they were convenient, you had an extra pocket for your wallet or Pogs or Seepas, it was both stylish and practical. And because of that, the reign of cargo shorts over men between the ages of 16-50 lasted a LONG time. I wore them all the way through college (graduated with an honorary degree in 2006), and into the beginning of my ‘adult’ life.

Well, around 2015/16, you could say that the country’s love affair with cargo shorts was starting to fade. In fact some would say that by that point, the expiration date on cargo shorts was already three years past its prime. And at about that time, my now wife, Lindsey, started to try to ween me off of cargo shorts for good.

She started by buying me a pair of these:

“Where will I put all of my extra stuff?” I inquired. “What extra stuff?” she responded. “Snacks, juice box, bear mace…” I replied. “I think you’ll be okay,” she said. Okay, well if a bear attacks us don’t come crying to me because I can’t fit the mace in these worthless flat-front pockets.

Anyway, over the course of about 2 more summers, she eventually got me off of cargo shorts completely. I don’t own a single pair. My wife has a doctorate, but I truly believe she would tell you it’s one of the biggest accomplishments of her life.

And I honestly haven’t missed them as much as I thought I would. Sure, every once in a while I see a dude walking around with cargo shorts on and I find myself daydreaming about what kind of stuff he’s got in those pockets, but it’s a fleeting daydream. Sort of a like when a former smoker catches a whiff of someone ripping a Marlboro outside of an office building. You’re wistful, but it passes.

Well that was until I saw these bad boys. Cargo shorts with a HEATED pocket?? You can keep food warm in your shorts??? I’m back in. I’m fully back in. Think of the possibilities. They’re designed for a Hot Pocket, sure, but you could throw anything in there. A grilled cheese, a slice of pizza, prime rib, etc. I’m pretty sure cargo shorts were on the comeback anyway, but this seals the deal. Innovations like this only come around once in a lifetime, and I do not intend to have it pass me by. Sorry in advance to all of my future social commitments for being the best dressed/prepared at the gathering.

PS: Clip Relevancy Rating: 8.2/10.