Area Glenn starts, and puts out, fire at a wedding.

Ladies and germs, I present to you the most entertaining video I have ever seen on the internet. What an absolute tour de force this thing/man is. A festival of the senses. In just 36 seconds we witnessed happy wedding drunkenness, near calamity, life/barn saving measures, circled all the way back around to happy drunkenness, sprinkled in a little Karen-ing, and wrapped it with a defiant, ‘I got it, I handled it.’ I’ve watched this no less than a thousand times and I see something new every single time. Let’s break it down:

#1: This guy being named Glenn is absolutely perfect. I’ve never seen a more Glenn looking guy in my life. When his parents went to his ultrasound 40 (?*) years ago, and they asked, ‘are we having a baby boy or girl?’ the technician simply responded, ‘you are having a Glenn.’

#2: The look on Glenn’s face as he’s dancing and simultaneously setting something on fire is simply perfect:

‘Atta boy, Glenn! You’re giving the people what they want! 110%, unfiltered Glenn!’ – Glenn.

That was funny enough as it was, but the moment I lost it is when he turned around and noticed the raging inferno behind him:

The little hesitation in his dance as his brain computes what is happening had me CRYING. 0% chance Glenn had any idea that that fire was started by him. ZERO.

But did that stop him from taking action? For sure NOT. Glenn came to this wedding to have a great time, and he realized quickly that the wedding venue burning down was going to ruin the entire vibe of the day. So he took action. He lumbered over to that fire, kind of/sort of covered his arm with his suit coat, battered that fire to the ground, and stomped it out.

Now as he was containing the situation, Glenn was definitely already thinking about how he was going to turn the mood of the party around. Best way to do that? Get right back to Glenning. Move back into the dance move that was briefly disrupted when he started an inferno. Act like it was no big deal.

Which leads us to Mrs. Glenn. Think she’s seen this type of behavior before?

That is the most, ‘God Dammit, Glenn,’ look I’ve ever seen in my life. Some are calling her a Karen for telling Glenn to take it down a notch, but I think that’s a little harsh. Our boy almost burned down a building and if I’m reading the context clues correctly, I don’t think we’ve even started the reception yet. Glenn hasn’t even hit his stride and we almost had a catastrophe. It was up to her to get Glenn to pump the brakes just a touch. That’s the thing with Glenn’s, they bring life to the party, but if they run too hot early it can have disastrous consequences. Live by the Glenn, die by the Glenn (maybe literally).

Lastly: Calm and composed Glenn at the end: ‘What? I got it. I handled it.’ Confident, cocky.

Anyway, I would pay LARGE amounts of my plummeting Doge Coin account to see more of Glenn’s night at this wedding. Seems like the kind of guy you want to strap a Go-Pro to and stream his every move.

*I’ve gone back and forth on this, but I think Glenn is probably between 45 and 50 years old? He’s one of those guys where it’s hard to figure out how old he is. He’s got some grey in that beard, he’s clearly lived life and seen some things, but he might also be the type of person who has that look and is 27 years old. If you told me his actual age was anywhere between 27 and 65 I would probably accept it.

PS: Underrated heads up play in this video? The girl who saw the fire and swooped in to grab the veil off of the entrance. If that thing catches this video might be headed to an evidence room and not a blog.