First things first: This is a classic lesson in, ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover.’ When I saw the headline to this article on Reddit, I did NOT expect the NYU Law student who had to go to cheese rehab to look like that. I expected some gross degenerate that looked like this:
Anyway, this story feels VERY relatable for anyone in the Midwest. An NYU Law student, Adela Cojab, found herself ADDICTED to cheese. Her gateway drug? Camembert. Again, not the type of cheese I would have thought leads to addiction, but this story is all about shattering preconceived expectations.
I guess it just escalated from there for Cojab. Before she knew it she was doing lines of Parmesan, burying her head in piles of shredded cheese on her desk, hiding these under her mattress in case she got the itch late night:
Apparently she was eating Merkt’s Port Wine cheese spread containers like they were pudding containers as well. Real dark stuff.
The article goes on to state that Cojab was eventually eating 5.5 BRICKS of cheese per week. In the words of Marty McFly, that’s heavy, Doc.
This all led her to a 2-week stint in rehab to the tune of $10,000. Which sounds like a lot of money until you start to do the math on what 5.5 bricks of cheese costs per week. Depending on how classy her cheese selection was, she might have actually saved money in the long run.
It sounds like she’s better now, but I would be very curious to see what cheese detox looks like. As far as I know there isn’t any kind of cheese patch she could wear like if she were trying to quit cigarettes. So maybe you just slowly ween yourself off of it? Cut it down by a few bricks per week. Maybe introduce some prune juice to deal with the…….ahem…..backup that eating almost 6 bricks of cheese a week must do to your digestive system. I’m sure it ain’t pretty.
But let’s send her our best wishes in recovery. As with any addiction, I’m sure there’s the potential for relapse. One whiff of a charcuterie board at an office function and she might be right back to square one. We’re praying for you, Adela.
PS: Writing this blog made me realize how similar drug vernacular and cheese vernacular are. As she checks into rehab:
“How much would you say you consume?”
“5.5 bricks per week.”
“Cocaine?”
“Cheddar.”
“Anything else?”
“I sometimes do an 8 ball on Friday nights.”
“Powder?”
“Port wine cheese ball.”
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