Obligatory Blazing Saddles reference:
Unrelated/semi-related: Could you imagine Mel Brooks pitching this movie to a studio in today’s culture. LOL. He’d be laughed out of the room. Sad!
Anyway, I want to go on record that I don’t condone stealing of any kind. You should never, EVER, steal something. The only situation where I might let it slide is if someone else has something that you want and you can’t afford to buy it. Then your hands are kind of tied. But beyond that exception, the rule is ‘don’t steal.’
That said, this is one of those situations where you almost have to just tip your cap to these thieves and call it a day. I mean they stole one MILLION dimes. That’s about $100,000 worth of dimes. Do you know how much that weighs? I do. I googled it this morning when I read this story. One million dimes is roughly 5,000 pounds. 5,000! That weighs more than the average car. I need to know how these dime thieves accomplished moving that kind of weight. How long did it take? How did they transport the stolen dimes to what I’m assuming is a getaway vehicle? What kind of vehicle did they have that can carry 5,000 pounds of dimes and I’m assuming 2-4 human beings?
Now setting aside the logistics of actually stealing one million dimes, my next question is, what do you do with them? $100,000 is a lot of money, but in dime form it’s essentially useless for practical purchases. You’re not buying a $2,000 TV in dimes. You’re not buying a car in dimes. I keep picturing Kramer purchasing his calzone with change:
So, how do you make this amount of money functional? Slowly take it to the bank and trade it in for paper money? Go to a million different Coinstars at Wal-Marts in the greater Philadelphia area? Keep in mind: Bank tellers are going to be on the lookout for people trying to cash in a sh–load of dimes. Which means you probably have to travel pretty far away from where the crime was committed. Just a complicated situation all the way around. You have $100,000 but you really don’t.
Like I said, you never want to let criminals win, but in this situation, with how much work it was to steal the dimes, and how much work it will be to use the dimes, I think you might have to let this one slide. The great dime heist of 2023. Like the Lufthansa robbery in 1978.
PS: Two more Seinfeld references:
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