Topanga debuts on DWTS tonight!

Respectfully: Pasha, you lucky son of a bitch! Getting to live out every 35ish-45ish adult male’s childhood fantasy: Hanging out with Topanga.

I can’t tell you how many people (6) tagged me on social media when this cast was announced last week. It is a well known and established fact that Topanga was #1 on the Young Jonathan childhood crush rankings. Oh, who rounds out the Top 5 you ask? Well I don’t mind if I do:

5. Winnie Cooper

I was a very fringe Wonder Years kid. That show was coming to an end as I was becoming a cognizant person (mostly). If I were born 5 years earlier I think this would likely be my #1.

4. Tia Carrere circa Wayne’s World

SCHWING! When I was probably 8 or 9 years old, my cousin came to down and we rented Wayne’s World. It did something to me, man. It did some things.

3. Kelly Kapowski

I don’t think there’s a living man between the ages of 30-50 that wouldn’t have Miss Kapowski on their top 5 list.

2. Miss Elizabeth, WWF

Class, sophistication, beauty, glamour, Miss Elizabeth had it ALL. A 5-tool player as they say. As much as I love him, I’ll never forgive Ric Flair for what he did before Wrestlemania 8, photoshopping himself in pictures with Miss Elizabeth to make Macho Man think that she was cheating on him. Miss Elizabeth would never!

1. Topanga

Boy Meets World on TGIF was appointment viewing for me. Topanga was smart, caring, funny, and really really really good looking.

So yeah, I haven’t watched a season of DWTS since Donald Driver won it all about 15 years ago. But tonight that may change!

PS: Boy Meets World Fan Fiction Episode about Topanga on DWTS:

Topanga becomes a wildly popular news reporter in Philadelphia after her and Corey graduate from Pennbrook. This launches her broadcast journalism career, which lands her as a Today Show host, and ultimately an invite to Dancing With the Stars. Corey supports her decision to go on the show, until he watches a few episodes where her dance partner, Pasha, gets a little handsy during a steamy samba. Corey expresses his frustration to best bud with great hair, Shawn, and the two make a plan to be in the audience for an episode to keep a close eye on things.

B Plot: Corey’s brother, Eric, decides to help Corey, and goes undercover as a professional dancer to join the cast of the show. This predictably leads to chaos and Eric making a fool out of himself on national TV. What a kook!

Back to the A Plot: Corey is raging with jealously as he watches Pasha get his dirty little Russian hands all over Topanga. He rushes the stage to break them up, only to find out that Pasha is an experienced dance FIGHTER as well. Corey gets beat up, while Topanga is hurt that Corey doesn’t trust her enough to dance with someone else, knowing that he (Corey) is the love of her life.

Somehow, Mr. Feeny is a judge on the show, and explains to Mr. Matthews that trust is the foundation of any great marriage, which Corey and Topanga both acknowledge as they embrace on the stage. Eric does the Feeny call as he’s taken off of the stage by DWTS security.

Scene.