Betting during a wedding? Wedding Parlay Cards are here.

Let me tell you something: I haven’t been this disappointed in myself since I turned down free Monday Night Raw tickets in Green Bay in 2012 and later found out Hulk Hogan made a surprise appearance*. How, HOW, did I not think this up. I’m devastated. Lindsey, if you’re reading this, I think we need to do the whole thing over again. It seems impossible that this didn’t cross my mind but it didn’t, and now we have to make that wrong right. Also, Mom, I will need to the same amount of money you gave me the first time for the reboot. Please and thanks.

Also: There’s SO much more you could add to this card. ‘Over/under 4.5 jokes that land during the Best Man Toast.’ ‘Which Groomsman will pass out first?’ ‘Which Bridesmaid will catch the bouquet?’ ‘Over/under 27.5 people doing the Chicken Dance.’ You could bet the total bar tab, the possibilities are literally endless. I’m dumbfounded and gobsmacked that this idea never crossed my mind. Sad!

*We were giving away Raw tickets at work all week, at the end of the week a pair was offered to me and I declined. ‘Eh, drive all the way up to Green Bay on a Monday, don’t get home until midnight, morning show the next day, nah, pass.’ So I’m at home that night and I decide to turn on the beginning of Raw and this music hits:

And out came the Hulkster. My childhood rassilin’ hero. All clad in the old school red and yellow. People say they, ‘died a little inside,’ often these days as a way of being dramatic. But I mean every single syllable: I died a little that day. I still haven’t recovered. No chance I ever see Hulk Hogan live period, let alone him coming out to the theme music of my youth.

PS: Lindsey and I were just talking about this the other day, one of the few benefits of the pandemic was planning a wedding during one. No one could complain about ANYTHING. And you didn’t have to invite anyone you didn’t want to. ‘Sorry there’s a limit on the amount of people we can have in the building!’ It was beautiful. I would recommend a pandemic wedding to anyone if the opportunity ever arises again.