Live look at me not being dramatic at all about a sheet cake getting the ax in the middle of a global pandemic:
I'm not going to say I'm gutted by this news because that's a bit over the top. So this is me not saying that I'm gutted that Costco is getting rid of arguably the greatest cake of all time.
Scoff at that last sentence all you want, but it's not too far fetched The Costco chocolate sheet cake, this bad boy right here:
Is pound for pound the best cake ever made. I had a listener on the text line this morning send me the following text after I spent 120 seconds that no one can ever have back lamenting the fact that this cake is taking a hiatus: 'Hey Jon, my husband not jokingly suggested we get a Costco vanilla cake for our wedding cake lol.'
Your husband sounds like a smart person. Because I've been to a lot of weddings and consumed a LOT of wedding cake. And I've also taken down a LOT of Costco sheet cake in my day. I haven't had a single slice of wedding cake that's better than a Costco sheet cake. Maybe they've been on the same level, but not better. And the Costco sheet cake is $19 to feed 48 people! You simply can't beat the economic/flavor quotient.
Random story: Two years ago, Lindsey and a bunch of my buddies were tailgating at Miller Park on a Sunday afternoon. As we were getting packed up to start to head into the park in the bottom of the 5th inning, a woman from a tailgate a few cars down came wandering over with half of a Costco sheet cake. Her party didn't eat the whole thing, and she didn't want to throw it away, or let it melt in the car while they were inside. So she offered us all a slice, which we obviously took, and then she moved on to make someone else's day a few cars over. Literally out of thin air, a woman appeared with free Costco sheet cake. I'm not sure I believe in angels on earth, but that's as close as I've come.
Another bummer about this story, and Lindsey will corroborate that I bring this up often, is that one of my dreams was to buy an entire chocolate sheet cake and eat it all by myself over the course of a weekend. Alas, now that dream may be dead. It just goes to show you, if one of your life goals is to spend 56 hours eating a two layer sheet cake all by yourself, don't wait for a day down the road. Because that sheet cake might not be there one day due to a pandemic not allowing gatherings to happen, and you'll regret that you didn't carpe diem when you had the chance. A lesson for the kids.
PS: In an alternate universe, if the woman at that tailgate HAD just thrown that cake away, and I saw it in the trash can in the Miller Park parking lot, I would have 1,000% Costanza-ed it:
Double PS: I guess they're still offering the 10-inch round cakes, so at least that's available. But there's no challenge in eating a 10-inch cake over the course of a 2 day period. That's basically most weekends for me.
