« Otto Spanning The Globe

And finally today....

by Otto Man

As usual Otto's commentary in bold... 

“A British man trying to take a photo under a woman's skirt suggested that he could have been trying to "light her fart" on fire. The 39-year-old was going into a bar and placing an unidentified object under a woman's skirt. Prosecutors said the he was trying to take a photo, but police say he told them: "Maybe I was trying to light a fart. It could have been a joke. Maybe someone says I bet you a fiver if you light her fart.'" Nevertheless, he was found guilty this past week of outraging public decency.” More

Reading his comments in a regular English accent... funny. Now picture them in THIS (FFWD to 1:34...)

accent... AND good times! 

“A guy tried to rob three people at a Sarasota, Florida gas station while threatening to spray gasoline on them. It happened at the Shell gas station. The three victims say that a man approached them at the pump and began yelling at them. He grabbed a gas pump, pointed it at the victims, and said he'd send them to the hospital. He then told them to "give me everything you have" and threatened to injure them. The victims refused to give the man anything, and he walked away toward a nearby apartment building. He was later taken into custody and identified in a police lineup by all three victims.” More

Dude... if it didn't work in Robocop, what chance do you have? (Though in his defense, it DID kinda work in Point Break... sorta). 

“A 20-year-old woman accused of driving drunk and crashing into another car told Massachusetts cops she was NOT drunk. But then she showed them her cell phone which contained a text message from the previous hour saying, "Ah so drunk". Police said her blood-alcohol content was at .15%, nearly twice the legal limit. The driver of the other car-- and passenger --  suffered broken wrists.” More

See this isn't how you try to fight a DUI... 

“A motorcyclist was so drunk he told a Louisiana cop he couldn't remember how many drinks he had. A cop saw him crossing the center line repeatedly and pulled him over after he nearly slammed into oncoming traffic. He could barely stand and reeked of alcohol. He blew a .252 on the breathalyzer.  And he told the cop he had "so many drinks that he could not remember how many." He was arrested and thrown in jail for DUI.” More

...THIS on the other hand. THIS is how you do it. 

“A 67-year-old man is in some hot water after taking a truck on an unusually long test drive in Belleview, FL. He was at a car dealership and asked to test drive a '97 Ford Pickup. He gave them his phone number and a copy of his driver's license and went on his way. An employee followed him "all over" the county, but at some point they got separated and the old man wasn't heard from again. Three hours later, the dealership realized he probably wasn't getting the truck checked out at a mechanic's shop and tried to call him… but his number didn't work. Cops found him a short time later and he explained he was just using the truck for work. They found tools and two-by-fours in the truck. He told cops he mentioned to the dealership that he'd have the truck for awhile and he had just forgotten some of his phone number. They didn't buy it.  He was arrested for grand theft auto.” More

OH FLORIDA! "No! I didn't steal it, it's on a test drive! Another day or two and MAYBE I'll make up my mind." 

And finally today... “A postal carrier in Fayetteville, North Carolina pleaded guilty to fraud after getting worker's compensation payments even though she was no longer hurt. The woman claimed that she couldn't lift mail trays into a truck due to a 2004 on-the-job shoulder injury.  Yet, she appeared on "The Price is Right" and spun the "big wheel" twice. According to an indictment, she "raised her left arm above her head and gripped the handle with her left hand." On a second spin, she "raised both arms above her head and gripped the same handle with both hands." She also allegedly went ziplining with her husband as part of a Carnival Cruise vacation, and was seen lifting and carrying furniture and bags of groceries with both arms on two different occasions. On her worker's compensation paperwork, she claimed that she couldn't stand, sit, kneel, squat, climb, bend, reach or grasp.” More

Always good times when you do the neck brace/walker thing going into court, and they show the zipline video followed by the Price is Right...